Post by KLBPost by Jim DHad a long .... long ... talk with band girl today. I forget why she
called, but the conversation ended up with us actually talking about
this volume thing. She was ( she said ) completely unaware how upset
I am over all the constant turn this up turn that down BS.
We each had a lot of events that mattered, some to her some to me.
In the end, we agreed that we have to quit listening to random people
who have advice for us. Whether that's advice on volume or songs, we
need to listen ( if we can't avoid that ), be polite, then move on.
As long as we both understand this point, I think we'll be ok.
JimD
I don't know if you will recall but I mentioned I had a problem with
the lady singer in my band singing over the top of my lead vocals in
unison. I had a very civilized talk with her, explained why it gave me
problems and she had been much better since. Point is: Sometimes a
good talk is just what is needed.
Years ago is was in a pro band, no names here. At some point, a few of
the band guys decided they wanted to move on, wanted out of their
contracts. Yep, contracts :-) Hired a lawyer. He did get us out.
I went along with the split as I was young and stupid. During our
talks with the laywer, he said he'd represent us under a few
conditions. I know now that there's no way he could have enforced
those, but hey.
One was, that moving forward we have a weekly band meeting where we
discuss issues that come up. What he was trying to teach us, was not to
wait until things pile up and aren't fixable as we had with that band.
I try to do that. A trick is, ok talk about things, but don't start in
on something at a time or in a way that the other person will dig in or
feel attacked. After gigs I always compliment ther others in any way I
can.
So band girl and I have sometimes quite long phone conversations. I
try to understand her feelings. She says being in a band is like being
married, except that after a fight, there isn't any " makup sex ".
geez ... this might be getting a little too honest :-)
That's how I deal with her, just listen and try to grasp why she does
or feels how she does. Women are very " feely ". Me, not so much.
I'm more a " do this to fix it " kinda person.
Dealing with male band people is a different thing. Again, I try to get
them to open up, speak their minds, tell me what's going on. But with
men, I don't react so much to how they feel, as to try and explain why
I do what I do, or didn't do. I offer solutions. I don't have that
problem now, as I'm the only guy in the band. Weirdly, it was the two
girls who insisted we get rid of " other guy ". Neither of them like
him. Whatever ....
By all means talk to your people.
youtube, " it's not about the nail " to be honest I don't really
understand the point of that video, but there is one :-)
Glad your talk worked out.
JimD